Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i already hear my dad disowning me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
