It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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