I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize