Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize