i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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