The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
