So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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