It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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