Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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