Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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