I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
