Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
