Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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