dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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