she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
