Someone shit on the floor
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
