So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
