I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize