dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
