i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
