sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
