Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
