??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
