she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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