So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
