Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i now understand why vodka
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