he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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