I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize