3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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