I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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