Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
