someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
