there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
