Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
