i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize