you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
