i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
