i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
