I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
