I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
