you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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