Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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