I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
