by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
