So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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