She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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