Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
