Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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