so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize