I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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