well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
