I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The best revenge is premature balding
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
