eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
