But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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