the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
