she was so not down for the gang bang
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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