you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
