so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You've changed since you got that strap on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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