you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
