but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize