I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
