i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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