Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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