some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize