Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
