Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
