my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize