Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They are going to name an STD after you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize