Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
