Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
