We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
