Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
