just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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