i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
