I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
